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Things I am afraid to tell

Kings Beach pier

I wish you all a Happy New Year! Hope this year brings you joy and all the things you wished for.

I wanted to start this year with something different, something that I had never shared before and this is the first thing that came to mind.

This post had been 3 years in writing. I was inspired by Jess Lively’s podcast several years ago and immediately wrote a draft and saved it in my archives only to never publish it. Every year, during my birthday and end of the year, I think about this post and mean to publish it but couldn’t. I am still afraid to hit publish as I write this but after the year that we had had, I figured there is no better time than now. So here it goes –

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Strong. Ambitious. Independent. These are some of the words I often use to describe myself. I am someone who truly believes that the only way to live is by being disciplined, working hard to the point of exhaustion (talk about enjoying life!), taking control and most importantly, being responsible. Naturally, it was hard for me to accept my vulnerabilities and things that are out of my control, let alone share them. Things like how could I let this happen or what did I do wrong nag me all the time. Yes, I read Brené Brown’s book about vulnerability way back when it was published but couldn’t bring myself to be real, to share my struggles. I finally decided to take the first step towards showing my vulnerable self because life is not all red roses and joyful moments but also thorns and difficulties. 

Wilder Ranch State Park, Santa Cruz

5 things I am afraid to tell you

  1. I suffer from anxiety. Remember this post was meant to be published 3 years ago. My anxiety was much worse back then. Simple things like a phone call or casual drive triggered anxiety. Fortunately, I learned to differentiate between rational vs irrational fears and my own distorted thinking to get over my severe anxiety. I still have a few anxious days and moments but they are far fewer than before.
  2. I live in a home that is too big for the three of us. While we worked very hard to be where we are, it was hard to come to terms with when there are homeless encampments a few miles away from us. I lie to random people about owning a house.
  3. I am pretty selfish. I believe humans are inherently selfish and even the most selfless act is motivated by one’s need to feel better about themselves.
  4. I am afraid to share my story, my trials and tribulations for fear of them being trivial compared to the big problems in this world.  
  5. Other than missing out on travel, 2020, in many ways, had been a great year for us.

Phew! I did it!

I encourage you to think about some thing YOU are afraid to tell others. You do not have to publish it to the world like me but it is something to reflect upon. 🙂

Now that this post is out of the way, watch out for upcoming travel posts within California and beyond!

Aswani-Kurra-A-Charming-Escape

Hi there!

I am Aswani Kurra. I am an engineer, dreamer and part-time wanderlust, writer and wine lover. I always had an urge to write, create and travel. So I created this space to satisfy my creative itch and combine all my skills to help you plan your Charming Escape.

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