The struggle with “WANTING IT ALL”
I am ambitious, have high standards and strive to be the best in everything I do. I am also not one to compromise or take the easy path. As I navigate through motherhood, professional career, major life changes and my passion projects, I find myself not willing to compromise or letting go of one for another. The result is a constant struggle with “wanting it all” —
The desire to be the best mom for my precious girl and be there every step of the way. And by being there, I mean REALLY BE present for her emotionally, physically, mentally and not miss a single moment. The struggle to constantly be my best, do my best and only choose the best for her. And by that I mean:
- not willing to delegate my daughter’s care to family or caregivers.
- cooking nutritious 3 course meals from scratch everyday; making sure that I include a mix of everything to meet her micro and macronutrient needs, not repeating meals and letting her be adventurous.
- spending hours to choose the best items – the softest organic clothing, only the best and non-toxic everything from her crib sheet, car seat, vegetables to little things like toys or a simple book.
- insisting on no screen time and 100% engaging her every minute of her waking time.
- exclusively breastfeeding her 4-6 times a day.
I know that “the best ” in everything is relative and yes, a bit extra. I know that in a few years, none of this will matter. But can you blame a mom for wanting to do her best and choosing the best things for her baby?
And it does not end there…
While trying to be a supermom, I am not willing to take a step back at work either. I want to continue to excel and have a stellar career. The result is working while on parental leave, attending meetings while the baby is napping, being “available” at all times and at sometimes burning myself out trying to do multiple things at one time.
Along with these two important things, I want to continue to work on my passion projects and my hobbies. I want to be the curious traveler, the blogger, health and fitness freak that I once was.
While I navigate through this multifaceted life, one person suggested I focus on the growing years of our baby and coast through work i.e. let go of ambition for a few years. But I am not ready to let go of career opportunities because I am a mom now. And would men be expected to do the same?
Someone else suggested I delegate baby tasks to others and be content if they do half as good a job as me. But when I have such high standards for everything in my life, how can I ever be satisfied with half as good a job for my baby? In my mind, it is unthinkable, that’s my daughter we are talking about.
The struggle is real
As I try to figure this new life out, the struggle is real: the struggle to want it all, be it all and do it all – to be the supermom who does everything the right (MY) way; have a stellar professional career, work on my passion projects and not burn myself out in the process! The struggle to prove to myself (more than anyone else) that I can work as hard, play harder and pursue my hobbies just as effortlessly as before. I so wish to prove to myself that it is possible.
I know this won’t last forever. Soon, I will need to let go of my hand holding her little fingers, let go of my need to be by her side when I bid goodbye to her at the school and many more. So while I can, the only thing I know is doing my best whenever and wherever I can. For me, life is all about trying my best and being the best version of myself.
If you are a mom and have struggled to balance everything, I’d love to hear your perspective, please share your advice and comments below.
I am Aswani Kurra. I am an engineer, dreamer and part-time wanderlust, writer and wine lover. I always had an urge to write, create and travel. So I created this space to satisfy my creative itch and combine all my skills to help you plan your Charming Escape.